And the Winner is...

As some point or another I am sure that most little girls has played beauty pageant. I know I am guilty of it. Being influenced by pageants such as Miss America or even Miss Universe we have fantasied what it would be like to hold one of those elite titles.

Here is the scenario: Dressed in your Sunday’s best you set to parade yourself down the imaginary aisle in your room and pose with fierceness to impress the cotton filled judges in hopes of obtaining that honor. “And the first runner up who will take the place if the winner is unable to perform her duties is Malibu Barbie… (Inser drum roll) which means Bekah you are now crowned 2016’s Miss African America.” Your acceptance speech begins… “ First off I would like to thank God (you know how that goes) because without Him I would never be here…” then the list goes on as you give accolades to the rest of the individuals that helped you achieve your wildest dreams. Well what if this was not just a fantasy but a reality? What if I told you hold a title every day that you walk this earth?

What is man that you are mindful of him the son of man that you visit him? You made him just a little lower than the angels and crowned him with glory and honor. Psalms 8:5

We don’t have to wait for a competition to wear a crown, we have already been crowned!  You are a daughter of the Most High King and the jewels on your crown are glory and honor. There is such a significance about these two words. The word glory means radiant beauty and honor means high respect as to worth, merit, or rank. This is the position that we hold on this earth; a position of royalty. 

Me, royalty? YES YOU! There are probably times when you feel more like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality, you know awkward and out of place, I totally feel you but when we understand who we are in Christ it should change our confidence level. So you are probably thinking what does this have to do with being single. Well I am glad that you asked. Continue reading I we will go on this journey together.

If you hold a crown of honor and glory, Do you allow others to dishonor you? Something that I was taught that rings very true is that “you teach people the way you want to be treated.” If you take into consideration the British Royal Family do you think that Princess Kate allows anyone to talk to her any ole crazy way? No one would dare! So if an earthly royal has that stance, why should we at a greater dignity as Heavenly royalty allow others, especially men, to treat us other than what we deserve. This shouldn’t be so. Don’t allow men to treat you like a play thing. If he is saying things to string you along, Like Elsa said Let it GO! If he is making promises and not keeping them, you guessed it let that go as too. Does he speak to you out of a harsh heart instead of uplifting, life giving words. Or does his words not reflect his actions These are just some things to consider. Someone will take advantage of you as long as you allow it to happen. Now is it always intentional. No. Sometimes because they haven’t been taught they act out of ignorance. Use discernment towards each individual. God will guide you.

Now on the flip side as much as you would like to blame others for the way that they treat you, you are also responsible for the way you treat yourself. When I say this, I think about the way we allow ourselves to be treated mentally. Don’t allow vain imaginations shape the way that you are being honored! If you are imaginative person, be careful not to allow what “could be” shape the way you allow yourself to be honored. Do you allow the thought of pursuit and possible signs of interest run rampant in your mind? 

This could be a problem because it keeps you in a place of hope that may never exist. This is called hope deferred which the Bible says it makes the heart sick. The problem with the mental game is the person on interest has no idea that they are even a competitor. It is ALL on you. Don’t allow yourself to get run over mentally and emotionally because you are looking for any sign of hope. This is dishonoring yourself. You deserve to be pursued.. Don’t let your heart become so desperate that you mentally try to will something to happen or sit around. Until he makes an effort of pursuit don’t cause yourself the mental torment.

My plea to you is to carry yourself with the utmost respect and hold your head high. You are a treasure, a crowned jewel radiantly beautiful and well respected of God. Treat yourself and demand that others treat you this way.

#thatsinglelifethough 

Bekah Out!

HAVE I ARRIVED?

“It’s not me it’s him/her.” How many times have we heard, let alone used this statement?

I think at some point or another most of us singles have convinced ourselves that this is the case in our current marital status.  Well though part of it might be true, hold your horses!

A lot of times we get to the point in our wait where we are justifying the lack of movement in our season of singleness by blaming it on the other party. We are the first one to sing our own praise as if we hung the moon. Have you used phrases like:

“Don’t they realize I am a catch” or “It is to their benefit to date me.” Or even “Remember that good thing that he is looking for, well here I am!”

Though as a righteous woman those statements are partially true, because we area special treasure these phrases can’t be rooted in arrogance and pride.

I have caught myself in the past thinking and saying these very things and then suddenly there was a stab in the heart. I was listening to a podcast, and it made this statement. “Chances are when YOU become the person you are looking for is looking for, you will probably find them.” In disbelief I said to myself, “WHOA so you mean that I am not a finished product and there are things that I still need to work on?” Wake up call. It didn’t even dawn on me that as hard as I might pray for my husband that he is doing the same thing for his wife. So really the holdup could have been me the whole time.

Could I be stubbornly overlooking the areas that he needs me to grow in and resisting change and halting the process? At the end of the day you want an Iron sharpen iron relationship and you don’t want to be the dull blade. Just as much as your future is submitted to his, you are also a factor for him to fully develop in the man of God he is supposed to be. Your life will be submitted to his but to truly submit means to lift up or come under the mission of. So you need to be able to come under and lift him to be the support for his life and future. It is partially dependent on you. It could very well be not that God is saying no but just not yet because we haven’t fully faced some of our correctable flawed areas. Mind Blow!

So the prayer about him needing to get it together so you can be together is misdirected.  There is a bigger speck in your eye than you might choose to see.  I say that because I was in the same predicament. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t think that I was perfect but close to it at least.

After hearing that, I immediately restructured my prayers and humbled myself. Instead of praying for my husband to become who he is supposed to be. I asked God to mold me into who I was supposed to be for him. I asked God to begin to show me the areas that are not so “wife” like and mold those parts of me. Probably a dangerous prayer because we all know how much correction can hurt but bring on the challenge.

So think about YOUR not so perfect self. What are some areas that you can stand to change? Are you a messy person and need to learn how to keep a house? Call me old fashion but I believe a man’s home should be his castle, a place to relax. Is it being kept up for royalty or for a peasant? I am not saying be a clean freak but just keep it manageable. I might get death threats for that one.

Is your specialty Kraft Macaroni and Cheese or Raman noodles? Maybe you might need to learn a couple of dishes. Or you could luck out and those are his favorite meals but don’t count of it. That would be the exception not the rule. I not saying be Rachel Ray but the way to a man’s heart is his stomach right? Practice and get a few recipes under your belt. Plus bonus who doesn’t like to brag about their superb cooking abilities. Every girl likes a little praise.

Do you want marry someone who enjoys being active and doing fun things but you can’t walk to the mailbox and back without being winded. Maybe try couch to 5k or join a local gym and commit to 30 minutes a couple time of weeks. Just take it slow. I am not saying be a body builder but you must also be realistic and make steps towards what you expect to receive.

What about healthy eating. Don’t make that false promise that you will start eating better when you have someone to cook for. If you aren’t doing it now don't kid yourself you won’t do it then. Since I am not going to have kids when I expected to in the so called "prime of life",, along with my confession, I changed my eating habits to keep my body in tiptop condition. I can’t expect God to keep me youthful but not be a good steward of my body by eating whatever I want. I have to do my part to keep my youth renewed like an eagle. I can’t have faith without works.

Do you expect him to have money to take care of you but you can’t balance your check book or your account is overdrawn all the time. Stop spending and learn how to save! Make a conscious effort to keep track of how many times you swipe that card. Also chose to set aside a little money to make a habit of saving. Mine is directly deposited into my savings account each time I get paid. This way I don’t even have to think about it. Out of sight out of mind but also creating a habit and a seed for my future.

When you get upset how do you respond? Are you patient? Learn now how to train yourself to respond in love and patience towards those who upset you. Contrary to popular belief, your spouse will upset you because you are two DIFFERENT people with DIFFERENT ideals and ways of doing things. This was one for me. I am being taught through living with my sister to exercise patience and choose my battles. I am learning not to quickly react but to seek to understand and then lovingly, which is not always the case, respond.

Also in the category of getting upset, do you spout off every cuss word in the English language and maybe some other languages or just don’t speak edifying words. Are you quick to go negative? Remember your words have life and death in them. You frame your world with your words and what kind of world are you framing over your household in times of pressure.  Learn to be “slow to speak quick to listen and slow to wrath”. James 1:19

How disciplined are you in your quiet time with the Lord? Are you giving yourself the daily bread of the word and quenching your thirst with prayer. You can’t expect to marry Jesus and you don’t even have any knowledge of the word. Remember even Satan could quote scripture…

There are many other areas that we all can work on. These are just a few. Seek God and do an honest evaluation and ask Him to reveal areas where you can get started. I am not saying that these things will be perfect in you when you meet your special someone but I am saying you could begin to plant seeds in some of these areas.

You know me that I always have to bring it back to the word but I remember the Verse

Luke 10:16 ¹⁰ Whoever ·can be trusted [is faithful] with a little ·can also be trusted [is also faithful] with a lot”

Please hear me that I am not trying to condemn you at all because there are areas in my life that aren’t so perfect. This is simply to spark revelation so that you can start experiencing the very desire of your heart.

DISCLAIMER: This is not a guarantee formula to get a husband nor am I saying that you need to be complete to get a husband. simply aim to be complete in Christ. It is nothing you can earn. It is a gift because He wants to see us happy. it says it is His pleasure. This simply might be a step in the right direction.

#thatsinglelifethough

Bekah Out!

UNPAUSE YOUR LIFE

T minus 31 days. What is the countdown for you may ask? It is the day where I vacate the not so distant memories of my 20’s and enter into the years of 30, flirty, and thriving. Except that the only part of this statement happening in my life is the 30… I am not flirting with anyone and I am not thriving in the way I thought I would. Does this sound like you? You might not be at the milestone age yet but you are simply not in the place of life that you thought you would be.

My 10-year high school reunion has come and gone and still nothing major has happened in my life. I thought surely by now I would be married and have a kid or two. In fact, I thought that I would have been married by 22... well obviously God redirected my path. So in this moment, I have two choices. I can wallow in self-pity and say “WHY GOD, WHY” or I can choose to see the situation from a Godly point of view. 

Since self-pity was never my thing I chose to be thankful. Though I might not be where I want to be thank God I am not where I used to be! It makes me think about the verses in Philippians 3:11-14“Not that I have attained or perfected but I press on. Not that I have apprehended but one thing that I do forgetting those thing which are behind and forward to those things that are ahead. I press towards the goal of the upward call of Christ Jesus.”  This must be our attitude in the midst of situations that are not what we expected. Press forward.

Have a Godly perspective. You can’t relive the past nor can you necessarily plan the future to your specific qualifications. You can have humility and trust that God is working EVERYTHING COLLECTIVELY together for your good. I have come to the realization as I exit this season of life that I have lived my life on pause and hoping in the “what ifs” and the “when” Well I am here to tell you that those don’t get you anywhere.

“What ifs” and “whens” can simply be translated into hope deferred and the Bible says that It makes the heart sick. (Proverbs 13:12) Continually dwelling on these does exactly that. It gets you in the attitude where you wait to live or thinking that life will start when you meet that special someone who sweeps you off your feet and buy that big house in the suburbs. If you are still breathing (since you are reading this you are) Guess what life has already begun!

Maybe you’re getting exhausted because your breathe has been held for a little while, waiting for things to change. But DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATHE! BREATHE! Venture out, live life. What is amazing about God is that in the midst of living He has already orchestrated every day of your life so you don’t have to fear that you are going to miss out on something. He will in fact use those days to get you to where you want to be so don’t fret.

Don’t live is a constant state of discontent. Don’t measure your success against anyone else’s. What God has called to be success in your life is different than others and it is tailor made for you. Don’t slap your life in the face and lessen your accomplishments because of lacking milestone moments. You are not behind. You are not forgotten. You are where you are supposed to be, when you are supposed to be there.

Don’t allow the enemy to steal your joy in this season by deceiving you to think that you are where you are because of things you may or may not have done. Yes there are things that we could have changed from our past but the mercy of God covers and redeems our mistakes. Out past doesn't dictate our future. Press forward. Live and enjoy life now and when the time is right, I promise everything will work out even better that you could have ever imagined!

1 Corinthians 2:9
“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

#thatsinglelifethough

Bekah Out!

If You Wait For It, He Will Come!

Back in the day when the very first Playstation (aging myself) came out one of my very favorite games to play was Need for Speed. Within the game there was a level called Hot Pursuit and it was my favorite! So basically you got to pick a car, customize it (my car of choice was the Lamborgani Diablo), and pick a course. The object of the game was to evade the police while they chased after you. I don’t know what it was but it gave me a rush! Probably because I was living out a secret fantasy that I would never ever attempt. Except for that one time… I’ll have to tell that story some other time! Back to the point. Very few times was I successful and usually ended up crashing and burning. The pursuit was too great.  In correlation to being single, what if I can give you the formula for evading the police of heartbreak? Is the information worth it for you?

What if the process of picking our spouse was easy where it came to us? It was in pursuit of us if you will. It can be if we allow it. I heard this statement from a prominent evangelist. “It is a perversion of the promise of God for us to pursue things because God meant for them to pursue us.” Wow mind blown! This is the same with the relationship God has for you. Ladies he is meant to pursue you.

Psalms 23:7 says “Goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life.” In the amplified version the word follow is also translated as pursue. When it is something that is from God, we don’t have to go out looking for it but it will simply come to us. The only problem with this is that often when we submit to God’s timing, it takes a lot longer than we expect. Have you ever heard the phrases “God knows no time” or “God lives outside of time”? I mean God I know you don’t understand time but did you see that yet another of my friends is engaged? I going to need you to know time a little…

When we get anxious, it can be a snowball effect on our life not only in dating but many other things in our life. One thing I think we ought to be careful of is compromise. Because we are a microwave generation, people end up in relationships and even marriages that are not God’s best for them. We take things in our own hands. We don’t allow God’s crock pot to slow cook our desires. We don’t allow the good things of Christ come to us therefore a lot of times eating things prematurely.

We are praised for being proactive and taking charge for ourselves. This can be a self-righteous act and nullify letting God be in control. In a sense we are saying we don't need God. Allow God’s good thing to come and pursue you. Remember that God withholds no good thing, so if he isn’t pursuing you, it isn’t that good thing.

CAUTION: Be careful of wolves in sheep’s clothing. Even though I talked about allowing God’s good thing to pursue you, remember the devil wants to steal, kill and destroy you. What better way to get to you  through the perception of being pursued by seemingly the man of your dreams. This is why we always need to be alert and ask God for wisdom and discernment to avoid the trap.

It is sad to me to see that so many marriages outside and inside the church fail. This was never God’s plan. When we accept God’s timing, we realize that good things take time so just wait. One of my favorite verses in this season is Ecclesiastes 3:1 God makes everything beautiful in time. He wants 

to make your relationship beautiful but it takes time. Allow Him to work in that time. 

One final thought, when you are truly trusting God in the wait, don’t help Him along by positioning ourselves in hopes of pursuit. You know what I mean. Thinking if you place yourself in position A at precisely time B that guy C will notice you and begin to pursue. News flash God created the Heavens and earth without you so I am pretty sure that He doesn’t need your help to get you to your desired haven. (Psalms 107:30)

Even though it might not be the most comfortable thing. the now "pain" will be worth it. Trust God!

Bekah Out!

#thatsinglethough

A Few Good Men

Imagine you are single Hebrew lady in the days of old. You know the one sitting by the local well drawing water. All of a sudden you’ve see the tribe gossip Naomi walking your way. I imagine the conversation going like this.

Naomi: “Bathsheba girl how you doing? You: Oh good girl just drawing water from this well. (In actuality you are sitting there to show all the single tribe men you are available.) Naomi: Did you hear the news about Tamar, Hagar, and Ruth? (Notice the Biblical name trend) Girl they are all getting married! But that ain’t none of my business though. Welcome to the Real House Wives of Judah County You: Girl that is so great! Mazel Tov!

However in her heart this is what you are really thinking. “Yea it is easy saying you’re happy for them Naomi, you are married and with child. Do you even know who your baby daddy is? Really they should all me thanking me because I set them up with their BAEs!

You: Well girl I got to get back to my father’s house and get the unleavened bread cooking. You know Passover time and all. Naomi: Okay girl save the date because they are getting married in a fortnight. Oh! You should bring the cutie Isaiah from the tribe of Judah. I heard he’s set to inherit 200 sheep and 50 goats. And I heard he is looking for someone to tend HIS sheep if you get what I am saying. You: Okay girl thanks for the look out. Shalom!

This is what I believe this passage her diary read that night.

Dear Diary,

Lord! Help! Godly men are fast disappearing. Where in all the world can dependable men be found? ² Everyone deceives and flatters and lies. There is no sincerity left

Did you know that this is actually a verse in the Bible? Psalms 12:1 to be exact. Okay I know that this is really not the way the verse is meant to be read but the supernatural personalization of God’s word and my imagination interrupted it to me like this.

Even though this seems like the cry of your heart, I promise this isn’t the case. Though options seem few and far between, there is hope! It is not a worldly hope but a godly one. The Bible talks about how hope deferred makes the heart sick. That is when we are putting our hope in what we see. Things seem grim but we have a hope in God.

When we have a godly hope, it doesn’t disappoint. It never fails you, and it never forgets about you. Let me give you a bit of encouragement. “His ear are attentive to the cries of the righteous.” Psalms 34:15 He knows!

Don’t think that your pain goes unnoticed. This is the part that we begin to walk by faith and not by sight. Yes this very well may be the reality and fact but guess what facts are subject to change.

I love that God doesn’t work on our playing field. In fact, in Isaiah 55:8 it talks about how God’s ways and thoughts are higher and greater than ours. Can I get a Hallelujah! If you are like me, your thoughts are limited. God can bring supernatural provision into a natural situation so don’t lose hope.

This is the place where we take our stance.  When everything seems lost and hopeless are you going to let reality dictate what you hope in or are you going to allow God to be the place you put your hope?  What we see always looks late but I am sure you have heard this statement “God is never late but always on time.”

Allow God’s timing to permeate in your situation. There is no shortage of men. There is no need for desperate times calling for desperate measures Wait upon the Lord and renew your strength.

#thatsinglelifethough

Bekah Out!

Don't settle for the Hoopty when the Bently is on the way!

Recently I have gone through the dreaded experience of car buying. I mean it is exciting to get the new car but the steps leading up to it are definitely not fun! You have to do research on what type of car you want. You look for things like: performance, safety, price, mileage just to name a few The process is just a pain! My wrong attitude wanted to be like “ if I had a husband, he would just tell me what to drive and I’ll buy it!” I know, I know there is more purpose for a significant other.

My dad took me to the dealership because there was a specific car that he was sold on. Everything about it was to his liking's. Me being over the whole process just followed his lead. The car that he picked out was great! I test drove it and loved it! I signed on the dotted line and within a few hours the beauty was mine! It was an exciting feeling.

My previously owned vehicle was a used but nice car. After a series of misfortunate events I was in desperate need of a vehicle hence enter Bessie. When I first saw it, I really liked it. It was cute and clean and within my budget so I was like "SOLD." After I purchased this car, I mean within weeks things started to go wrong with it. First it was the engine, flat tires left and right. one time it was even the same tire two days in a row) The starter a couple of times and then finally the head gasket blow a couple of times. (My dad ended rebuilding my car’s engine FIVE separate times) I say all that to say that on the outside things looked great but looks can be deceiving…

It's crazy to see how God can use any situation in life to teach us! When thinking and discussing my car issues with a friend, I realized that with my previous car I was so quick to settle because I was in desperate need. I didn’t take the time to pray about it, get car history, or anything a wise person should do before purchasing a used vehicle. It left me with more trouble than it was worth. Isn’t that what we sometimes do with dating?

We meet a guy and think :Wow he is really cute!" He drives a nice car and he even goes to church. WINNER! Everything on the surface seems great, Later on, you find out that he has a few qualities you don’t necessarily love but will cross that bridge when you get to it. Can we say COMPROMISE. With so much pressure in today’s society to date and get married we neglect to take the time to really consider the choices that we are making. We get caught up in our emotions and date and marry just anyone that comes our way. What a shame.

We might see things in that potential mate that are things that you would not usually go for but he is around and shows you interest and so you quickly compromise your expectations because you are filling your needs. Ladies this should not be so. Take the time to really seek God about anyone that you date and trust that He will give you guidance. Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord your God and lean not on your own understanding. Don’t be so quick to settle and compromise by leaning on your own understanding. God has His very best for you if only you are patient. Don’t settle for the hoopty!

Time can produce an urgency which leads us to make lofty decisions. Like my car situation, you tend to settle and not wait for God’s best.  Time allows the enemy to strategically place thoughts in an undisciplined mind to question God’s faithfulness. This leads to discontentment and compromise. Don’t allow him to lie to you and think that God has forgotten about you.

Act 1:7 "It is not for us to know that time and season in which the Father put in his own authority." We are not to know the details behind the wait. It would overwhelm us and God knows that. Be patient and DON”T COMPROMISE in the wait!

I took a second look at my car situation and related it to dating. My dad can be a symbol of God. He led me to the the right car like God will lead you to the right mate. Because he had done the research, he had picked out the car, knew all the specifications and set me up. I didn’t have to worry about a thing, I just showed up and trusted that he had my best interest at hand. This is the same way God wants to deal with us regarding a mate when we fully submit to trusting Him. And the end result was far better than any compromise ever could have been!

Everything fell into place for me with my car and I didn’t have to settle for something out of desperation. I ended up with the perfect car! This is what God wants to do for us ladies in waiting. He has done the research, He knows what is best for us and He is just waiting for our submitted hearts to be led to our perfect mate. Sit back, relax, and let God go to work!

Psalms 107:30

Then they are glad because they are quiet;
So He guides them to their desired haven.

#singleisnotacussword

Bekah out!

Anxiety… Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Pulling up to your mailbox after a long day of work, you open it to find yet another wedding invitation. Love apparently is in the air but not for you. You have gone to many bridal showers and weddings yet you are still walking inside to cook for a party of one. You desire to add more place settings is growing strong yet there are no prospects. What is the deal?

You make your way to the room to get out of your not so comfortable work clothes and walk to the kitchen to make dinner. What fun is it to make dinner for one?  All the work and no one to show off your culinary skills to. Plus you hate leftovers. So cereal for dinner it is!

As you lay on your couch unwinding from your day, you turn on the television.  Because it is close to Valentine’s Day EVERYTHING that you flip through has to do with relationships. You opt to turn off the television and just read. Readers are leaders anyway right? You get lost in your new novel and next thing you know it is time for bed. You rinse off your makeup, prepare for bed just to repeat the routine all over the next morning.

Sound familiar? With everyone around you seemingly living a very exciting life doing everything that you so desire to do, it is very easy to be unsettled where you are. Philippians 4:6 says “Be anxious for nothing.” Okay easier said than done but did the apostle Paul spend his evening eating cereal for dinner and reading War and Peace? 

Why does the Bible tell us not to be anxious? Because all anxiety does is focus on tomorrow and make you miss what God is doing in your life today. Anxiety and worry go hand in hand. Basically it is saying that we don’t trust God to take care of our desires or needs. We take the situation in our own hands trying to figure out how to make it happen. To be anxious means that you are; full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune; greatly worried; Ain’t nobody got time for that!

The Bible tells us a couple of things about anxiety and worry. 1. Don’t worry about tomorrow for it will worry about itself.  2. Worrying doesn’t add one thing to your life. Psalms 139:16 “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out  before a single day had passed.” What we have to realize is that before the foundations of the earth, God had already written the plans of your life. With that being the case, worrying about tomorrow instead of living in the present is nonproductive. It isn’t going to change a thing.

Anxiety steals your peace. It gives you unsettling thoughts.and begins to reflect in other areas of life. The root of anxiety boils down to fear. Fear is not of God. You are afraid that what you are believing for, in this case a significant other, won’t manifest. Those anxious thoughts begin to steal your quality of life. John 10:10 “The enemy come but to steal, kill, and destroy.” That is what anxiety does. Part B of the verse says that Jesus came to give us life and life more abundantly! So accepting anxiety in your life is accepting the enemy’s authority in that area. Remember you have the authority over him. Do not allow him to take dominion in any area of your life! God's perfect love casts out all fear. Settling in this thought eliminates fear!

Being anxious for a future time is not something that you are graced for. God gives us grace day by day. This is the reason that we are unsettled. He didn’t give you the resolve to worry about tomorrow or any other day. It is something that he has already taken care of. That is not your responsibility. When you take on worry you are taking God's job. He didn't hire you for that position. Don't self promote.

Matthew 11:29-30

²⁹ Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

This is the position that God wants us to take so there will be rest for our souls. His burden is easy and light and anxiety is heavy and hard. I choose to work smarter not harder so I choose to give my cares and anxieties to God so that I can be weightless. What do you choose?

#thatsinglelifethough

Bekah out!

Live your Life Ay Ay Ay

"It’s seven o’clock, on the dot I’m in the drop top cruising the streets. I’m with a real handsome fella who is crazy for me… "

If you are any kind of R&B fan I am sure that you recognize these lyrics. My man Usher, well with a few lyric moderations. Imagine if you will, you and your BAE ready for a night out on the town. Beyonce’s Flawless doesn't even do you justice. On yea your significant other is looking fly as well. Can we say power couple? Because you guys are the “it” couple you are making your way around town, hitting each hot spot showing your true legitimacy as a couple. Everyone wants to be you and everyone wants to be your friend LG, Life’s Good.

But here is the lyrics to your life. 

"It 7:00 on the dot I’m in my PJs eating some meat. Wish I had a real handsome fella on the couch watching TV with me.” 

Reality is you are lying in bed looking like a hot mess, binge watching my 600 Lb life. Surely this will make you feel a little better about yourself. Assisted by social media, you’re living vicariously through your friend's Saturday plans. On to the next episode. Meanwhile after failing to use the bathroom for several hours, the sudden urge has quickly come upon you. You use the restroom and return to your bed with a carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream. The flooding memories of being picked last at recess or being called LOSER rushes to your head.

Seeing everyone around you flourishing in their season of life, the enemy starts feeding you lies about your worth. That you never going to get out of this situation. That no one wants or will ever want to be with you. Not true. You always have to remember that God has a specific plan for you. It looks different from others. Don’t compare your life to the life of those you see. You have not been forgotten or dropped.

Philippians 4:8 says  And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. ⁹ Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

Look for the source of your thoughts. Are they good or bad? Good thoughts = Jesus, Bad thoughts = the enemy. Plain and simple. Yes the drought in your love life can lead you to a state of depression but I am here to tell you that you can be happy wherever you are.

Let’s bring it into a new prospective. Ephesians 5:16 says “Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Even though these lonely days aren’t really evil, to the single girl they feel like it right? Paradigm shift. See the cup half full! Instead of thinking you have nowhere to go or get ready for. YOU HAVE NO WHERETO GO AND GET READY FOR! HALLELUJAH! If you are like me and don’t have wash and go hair. You don’t have to style that unruly mess. Mic drop right there for me!

Kate Middleton versus Kim Kardashian? Which looks most appropriately addresses your style? Here’s to no stress concerning picking out an outfit where you accentuate your curves but don’t reveal all your goodies. Keeping it holy. Instead can we say tattered Mickey Mouse onesie with food stains! Sounds good to me! You don’t have to try to dress to impress and that is fabulous. Take advantage of it.

What’s for dinner you ask? ANYTHING YOU WANT! You don’t have to pretend that you only eat salad to stay skinny. Let your inner chubby girl come out! Let her wave her Oreo filled hands in the air in victory!  Eat that turkey leg with a side of ribs. Let the sauce drip off your chin. Own it! No one will ever know.

What’s on television? Oh you know just a good six to eight hours of Lifetime Movie Network or The Notebook on repeat or my case EVERY James Bond Movie. There is no one there  to judge you, so let the tears flow or practice your stuntman moves. Reenact those amazing scenes. You don’t have to share your viewing pleasure with anyone. One day that will be a struggle but today my friends is not the day.

Ever thought you could be on Lip Sync battle? I know I have. Well now is the perfect time to prove it! Practice in the mirror. Crank up the volume. Maybe put on a stellar outfit and prove it to an audience of one. You just never know when you might get the call from LL Cool J so be like a boy scout and always be prepared.

For those of you who are more the intellectuals. read a book. Yes I said it READ! I personally love using my imagination and getting lost in the story. Pick a genre and go for it. After all readers are leaders.

As you can see there are endless options for your "lonely" night. These are just to name a few. Get creative with it. Don't allow society to dictate what your life should looks like. You are the one in control and it is all about what you make it. Make it exciting!

Lastly the thing that would be the most beneficial to you, spending time with God. Take this opportunity to grow closer to God. This very well might be the place that God has lead you intentionally to build a deeper relationship with Him. Read, pray, worship, listen to podcasts whatever works for you.  After all He is the original pursuer of your heart. Allow Him to pursue you in this time. Get intimate with God and it very well might be that the intimacy that you build fulfills the void that you are feeling. Once you are in a relationship, the balance of your relationship with God will get harder. Do it now while you can be fully committed.

A lot of time God allows you to be in a wilderness place before He gets you to the promise land. Let your relationship with God bloom. He is the lover of our soul and our original love. He thinks that we are the apple of His eye (Psalms 17:8). He is constantly mindful of us (Luke 1:48 )and rejoices over us with singing (Zephaniah 4:13), God's love for us is endless and unconditional. Why wouldn’t we want to spend time with Someone who treasures us so much? Invest in Him because He has a lot invested in you. This is where true satisfaction is.

Psalms 65:12 

We went through fire and through water;

But You brought us out to rich fulfillment.

#thatsinglelifethough

Bekah Out!

Don't Have An Achy Breaky Heart

I remember my first job like it was yesterday. My working girl job was mild to say the least. I was a car hop at the beloved fast food chain Sonic Drive Inn. Not the most glamorous job but not bad for my first. As a high-schooler, I made bank! Not only did I make above minimum wage but I also made tips every night. Those would range from $50 to $100 a night. Because I did make so much, I was cut off! From that point on I had to pay for everything. When I bought something, it was a big deal. I worked hard to pay for what I got so you best believe I was careful with who I let hold, touch, or borrow my possessions. It instilled a great pride in me.

Ladies if we work so hard for our possessions such as clothes, our car, or even hair, can you feel me, why shouldn’t we take that much pride with our hearts? We can have a great pride about of heart while we are in the dating game. Our heart is a sacred place and our most precious possession. In fact, if you were to ask a child where Jesus lives, their reply, “in my heart.” If that is the case, why would we share such a sacred place with any ole male that comes along. This should not be. It is a place reserved for Jesus.  

Matthew 7:6 “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces. I know some women scorn are thinking this verse directly relates to men. Sorry think again. For the sake of conversation this can insinuate that we should not give something so precious, our hearts, to someone not deserving of it and who doesn't know how to handle it. As we understand not only who we are but Whose we are, we will value it so much more. We shouldn’t treat it like something that anyone has easy access to. Don't let it be taken for granted.

Proverbs 4:23 says Guard your heart with all diligence. This sounds more like a command than just a suggestion. Let's break down the verse a bit. To guard actually means to keep secret, be blockaded, guard from dangers, preserve. This is the attitude we need to keep about our hearts. It further goes on to say that your heart is your escape from death and your source of life. We can escape the lack of peace due to dating heart breaks if we follow that simple command. Our heart is our life source.

However, what we see is single well intention young women who are lonely, give their hearts away to anyone who gives them the time of day. If we aren’t careful, a simple “Hello” to an unguarded heart can lead to dangerous waters. With time, the heart becomes unprotected and in danger. Next thing you know, after long serious conversations and discussion of marriage, you are all in!

Then one day out of nowhere he tells you that he just isn’t in love with you anymore or he has met someone else. What? You guys talked about your future plans together.From things like, where you would get married, where you would settle down, how many kids you would have, dog or cat, and how you would navigate watching Empire (Yep that’s my show) or the basketball games. In tears and devastated, you are left to pick up the pieces. How did you get here?

Well my friend, you were loose with your heart and unfortunately there can be repercussion for that. Thank God that He can redeem all situations. If you allow it, He can mend a broken heart. Don’t wallow in your mistakes. Ask God to forgive your carelessness with your heart. Trust that He heals and be careful next time. No condemnation. Move forward.

In my opinion, we are allowed to have pride involving our hearts. As we build our confidence, we understand that we have the right to hold on to it more tightly. We are daughters of the Most High King. You’re royalty.Think of your heart like the crown jewels. The jewels are locked away other than special occasions. Keep your heart on lock down. The crown jewels aren't easy to access and neither should your heart be. At this point, the only person that has earned  access to the crown jewel of the heart is Jesus. With his death and resurrection He has obtained it. Make men earn your heart.

Let me clarify this a bit. I don’t mean playing games with him or guarding your heart so tightly that it makes it impossible to really know you. Be wise with how vulnerable you allow yourself to get but don’t lay it all out there either ladies. Stay a little mysterious. Men are meant to pursue and if your heart is clear as glass they have no chase. Be balanced. Wait to let your crazy out! Slowly let it seep out! Just kidding, but really…

What I mean about earning your heart is allowing time for him to show himself worthy. Look at his character. The things that he does or says and integrity issues are the things that indicates whether or not he can begin to gain access to your heart. Now is he always going to get it right? NO!  We all mess up so give him mercy.

I know all this can be confusing but don’t neglect the fact that you know the Omniscient- all knowing God. Ask Him about the situation. If we do it in our own understanding, we will get it wrong every time. James 1:5 says if any of you lacks wisdom, ask of God. Through discernment He will tell you what to do and when to act.

One final thought. YOUR HEART IS ON RESERVE UNTIL YOU GET MARRIED!!! No ifs, ands, or buts! The altar is the only time that you are allowed to give your heart away no matter how committed of a relationship you are in, The day that you say “I Do” and enter into that covenant it is okay to fully commit your heart to your spouse. By this time hopefully he has proven himself to have character like Jesus. Ar this time you should feel safe to let your barricades down. Until then your heart is on look down. Got it!

#thatsinglelifethough

Bekah out!

In the begin was the blog...

Awakened in the wee hours of the night with the urgency to utilize your personal home facilities, regretting that last cup of water before bed, you begin to trudge through the dark ominous room. Lights remain unused because you know if you turn them on you're bound to fully awake. Everyone knows this sister can’t afford to lose any beauty sleep! Clumsily you make your way through the dark room. After doing your business, you head back to bed. Just when you think you’re in the clear and in skewed sight of your bed, WHAM. You catch your pink toe on your dresser! The very first thing that comes out of your not always saved self is every exploited in the book. You shout them out as if the words are going to numb the pain. Despite all your efforts, you end up having to turn on the light anyway just to check that you didn’t rip off your toe. Now just plain upset, in pain, and fully awake losing that coveted beauty sleep you tried so desperately hold on to, you lay in bed.“All this because you just had to have that last sip of water for your parched throat”.

Isn’t it funny that anytime we experience pain, the first thing we want to do is say something naughty? Well our unsanctified self does. But that isn’t you anymore right? You have been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb. Can I get a Hallelujah and an Amen! So often however as single women we associate our single season as though it is a cuss word. Well I am here to tell you that is W-R-O-N-G wrong!

So guess what this blog is about…#thatsinglelifethough. I know what you are thinking, “A singles blog are you serious? Everyone these days has a blog. What makes your’s different”? Well I am glad that you asked! I am not going to post depressing song lyrics or poems. I am not going to get emotional, I promise. I won't get on a soapbox. In fact, this is meant to encourage you. I want to give you a whole new perspective. Instead of giving all the obvious cons as to why single hood is, well not necessarily the ideal state as a single women, I am here to encourage you and strengthen you and light a new fire under you!

DISCLAIMER: I am a God fearing, fully devoted, Holy Ghost filled (for all you old school readers) Christian so if that bothers you I would advise you not to read it. Everything that I will write will be word based and in my belief through guidance by the Holy Spirit, the way we are supposed to conduct ourselves in this season. If you don’t agree or you choose not to read it, my feeling won’t be hurt. It is what it is. With that being said if you would like to further be encouraged, read on if not thank you for your time.

So why do you ask I named it what I named it? Well if you allow yourself to get to the place, single hood can be a joy! No I didn’t mistype. There is so much you can do in your single state that you can’t do in a relationship or marriage. There are hobbies that we can take up, places to go, people to impact, and ways that we can develop for marriage. You have the whole world in front of you! Society however doesn’t want you to see it that way. It wants you to thinking that until you get married and pop out that first kid, life hasn’t begun. WRONG! That is just a different season of life. Not one is better that other each just has different purpose. I want to encourage and strengthen you in this season to help you through your lonely weekends. There are so many benefits to being single so let’s tap into them together shall we. Trust me everything that I write is through personal experience This is my cross to bear so you're welcome!  So hop on board and take this journey with me! 

#thatsinglelifethough

Bekah out!