“It’s not me it’s him/her.” How many times
have we heard, let alone used this statement?
I think at some point or another most of us
singles have convinced ourselves that this is the case in our current marital
status. Well though part of it might be
true, hold your horses!
A lot of times we get to the point in our
wait where we are justifying the lack of movement in our season of singleness
by blaming it on the other party. We are the first one to sing our own praise
as if we hung the moon. Have you used phrases like:
“Don’t they realize I am a catch” or
“It
is to their benefit to date me.” Or even “Remember that good thing that he
is looking for, well here I am!”
Though as a righteous woman those
statements are partially true, because we area special treasure these phrases can’t be rooted in arrogance and pride.
I have caught myself in the past thinking and
saying these very things and then suddenly there was a stab in the heart. I was
listening to a podcast, and it made this statement. “Chances are when YOU become the
person you are looking for is looking for, you will probably find them.”
In disbelief I said to myself, “WHOA so you mean that I am not a finished
product and there are things that I still need to work on?” Wake up call. It
didn’t even dawn on me that as hard as I might pray for my husband that he is
doing the same thing for his wife. So really the holdup could have been me the
whole time.
Could I be stubbornly overlooking the areas
that he needs me to grow in and resisting change and halting the process? At
the end of the day you want an Iron sharpen iron relationship and you don’t want
to be the dull blade. Just as much as your future is submitted to his, you are
also a factor for him to fully develop in the man of God he is supposed to be. Your
life will be submitted to his but to truly submit means to lift up or come
under the mission of. So you need to be able to come under and lift him to be
the support for his life and future. It is partially dependent on you. It could
very well be not that God is saying no but just not yet because we haven’t
fully faced some of our correctable flawed areas. Mind Blow!
So the prayer about him needing to get it
together so you can be together is misdirected. There is a bigger speck in your eye than you
might choose to see. I say that because
I was in the same predicament. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t think that I was
perfect but close to it at least.
After hearing that, I immediately restructured
my prayers and humbled myself. Instead of praying for my husband to become who he is supposed to be. I asked God to mold me into who I was supposed to be for
him. I asked God to begin to show me the areas that are not so “wife” like and
mold those parts of me. Probably a dangerous prayer because we all know how
much correction can hurt but bring on the challenge.
So think about YOUR not so perfect self. What are some areas that you can stand to
change? Are you a messy person and need to learn how to keep a house? Call me
old fashion but I believe a man’s home should be his castle, a place to relax. Is
it being kept up for royalty or for a peasant? I am not saying be a clean freak
but just keep it manageable. I might get death threats for that one.
Is your specialty Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
or Raman noodles? Maybe you might need to learn a couple of dishes. Or you
could luck out and those are his favorite meals but don’t count of it. That
would be the exception not the rule. I not saying be Rachel Ray but the way to
a man’s heart is his stomach right? Practice and get a few recipes under your
belt. Plus bonus who doesn’t like to brag about their superb cooking abilities.
Every girl likes a little praise.
Do you want marry someone who enjoys being
active and doing fun things but you can’t walk to the mailbox and back without
being winded. Maybe try couch to 5k or join a local gym and commit to 30
minutes a couple time of weeks. Just take it slow. I am not saying be a body
builder but you must also be realistic and make steps towards what you expect
to receive.
What about healthy eating. Don’t make that
false promise that you will start eating better when you have someone to cook
for. If you aren’t doing it now don't kid yourself you won’t do it then. Since I am not
going to have kids when I expected to in the so called "prime of life",, along
with my confession, I changed my eating habits to keep my body in tiptop
condition. I can’t expect God to keep me youthful but not be a good steward of
my body by eating whatever I want. I have to do my part to keep my youth
renewed like an eagle. I can’t have faith without works.
Do you expect him to have money to take
care of you but you can’t balance your check book or your account is overdrawn
all the time. Stop spending and learn how to save! Make a conscious effort to
keep track of how many times you swipe that card. Also chose to set aside a
little money to make a habit of saving. Mine is directly deposited into my
savings account each time I get paid. This way I don’t even have to think about
it. Out of sight out of mind but also creating a habit and a seed for my
future.
When you get upset how do you respond? Are
you patient? Learn now how to train yourself to respond in love and patience
towards those who upset you. Contrary to popular belief, your spouse will upset
you because you are two DIFFERENT
people with DIFFERENT ideals and
ways of doing things. This was one for me. I am being taught through living
with my sister to exercise patience and choose my battles. I am learning not to
quickly react but to seek to understand and then lovingly, which is not always
the case, respond.
Also in the category of getting upset, do
you spout off every cuss word in the English language and maybe some other
languages or just don’t speak edifying words. Are you quick to go negative?
Remember your words have life and death in them. You frame your world with your
words and what kind of world are you framing over your household in times of
pressure. Learn to be “slow to speak quick to listen and slow to
wrath”. James 1:19
How disciplined are you in your quiet time
with the Lord? Are you giving yourself the daily bread of the word and
quenching your thirst with prayer. You can’t expect to marry Jesus and you don’t
even have any knowledge of the word. Remember even Satan could quote scripture…
There are many other areas that we all can
work on. These are just a few. Seek God and do an honest evaluation and ask Him
to reveal areas where you can get started. I am not saying that these things
will be perfect in you when you meet your special someone but I am saying you could
begin to plant seeds in some of these areas.
You know me that I always have to bring it
back to the word but I remember the Verse
Luke 10:16 10 Whoever ·can be
trusted [is
faithful] with a little ·can also be trusted [is also
faithful] with a lot”
Please hear me that I am not trying to condemn you at all
because there are areas in my life that aren’t so perfect. This is simply to
spark revelation so that you can start experiencing the very desire of your
heart.
DISCLAIMER: This is not a guarantee formula to get a husband nor am I saying that you need to be complete
to get a husband. simply aim to be complete in Christ. It is nothing you can earn. It is a gift because He wants to see us happy. it says it is His pleasure. This simply
might be a step in the right direction.
#thatsinglelifethough
Bekah Out!
